Things I was wrong about:

1. I thought there was only one way to approach healing.

For me that was talk therapy because I was sure that I could think and analyze my way through anything. And I scoffed at things like Reiki and Inner Child work as too ‘out there’. I was more comfortable intellectualizing so it took me a while to open up to the emotional and spiritual aspects of healing. Though of course it makes sense that the wounds don’t affect just one aspect of a person and therefore won’t be healed by focusing on only one aspect. Don’t get me wrong, I think working with the right therapist is hugely significant and I highly recommend it. But the big picture message is this:
Effective healing and long-term change must encompass our whole selves - mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

I have learned that when I’m open to new things, I can often find something of value. Now does that mean that I believe the nice woman was moving energy fields through my body when she waved her hands over me during massages? No. But she was such a warm and comforting person, and she created such a wonderful atmosphere that I found myself more able to focus on, and relax, different parts of my body during a massage with her compared to other massage therapists. That was very helpful when I faced some specific aspects of my childhood trauma that were centered in certain parts of my body (e.g. my throat).

2. I thought forgiveness meant absolution.

For many years I resisted forgiveness because I thought of it as '“It’s OK, I forgive you” and it was absolutely not OK.

I have learned that you can forgive those who have abused and betrayed you while still holding them accountable. Forgiving does not mean relieving of responsibility, it means acknowledging what happened and choosing to move past the rage and bitterness.

Forgiveness is deeply personal - nobody can tell you if or when you’re ready.

3. I thought nobody would understand.

My family and history are so messy and complicated that I didn’t think anyone would understand. And I feared that if I told someone the whole story they would run, screaming.

But it turns out that there are kind, compassionate, emotionally mature people who aren’t scared off by a friend or potential partner who has experienced trauma. And though they won’t have experienced exactly the same things, they can empathize and listen and come to understand, if you give them the chance.

Plus there are many of us out there who have experienced similar traumas and will understand only too well. You truly are not alone.
Which leads me to Things I wish I knew earlier . . .